{"id":5501,"date":"2025-09-29T17:06:48","date_gmt":"2025-09-29T16:06:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/?p=5501"},"modified":"2025-10-09T15:01:20","modified_gmt":"2025-10-09T14:01:20","slug":"the-power-of-good-questions-in-coaching-at-work-and-in-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/2025\/09\/the-power-of-good-questions-in-coaching-at-work-and-in-life\/","title":{"rendered":"The Power of Good Questions \u2014\u00a0in coaching, at work and in life"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Good-Question-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"Good Question\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" class=\"alignright wp-image-5505 size-medium\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Good-Question-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Good-Question-768x576.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Good-Question-1024x768.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Good-Question-400x300.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Good-Question.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>Good questions lead to good listening (and vice versa: <a style=\"font-weight: initial;\" href=\"\/articles\/2025\/09\/listening-better-performance-for-the-talker-the-listener-and-organisation\/\">good listening leads to good questions)<\/a>! They build interpersonal bridges and create connections. Questions such as: \u2018What moves you?\u2019, \u2018How does that make you feel?\u2019 or \u2018Would you like to tell me more?\u2019 are usually sufficient. Yet it is more helpful to ask a disbeliever &#8216;What makes you doubt?&#8217; than to give them advice, nag them or try to reassure them with &#8216;It&#8217;s not that bad&#8217;.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<h3>Is the internet the answer?<\/h3>\n<p>The internet is often unbeatable for knowledge-based queries.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>In a world of quick answers and where people expect instant gratification, they no longer ask questions of others, but instead ask search engines and chatbots. In fact, it&#8217;s almost irritating to be asked for directions in the street.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>For me, such questions are \u2018I-questions\u2019:\u202fI want to know something (or someone else wants to know it for me). I use the term \u2018I-questions\u2019 in reference to <a href=\"#P\u00f6rsken\">Bernhard P\u00f6rsken<\/a>, who distinguishes between an \u2018I-ear\u2019 and a \u2018you-ear\u2019.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>By &#8216;I-ear&#8217;, P\u00f6rsken means not listening &#8216;properly&#8217;, but rather that we have an ego filter installed upstream. I only hear what suits me, which is often fine in everyday life. And I also hear what outrages me (&#8216;triggers&#8217;) and immediately interpret and label it without asking.<\/li>\n<li>You-questions, on the other hand \u2014 as I call them in reference to P\u00f6rsken&#8217;s distinction \u2014 help the talking partner to find a solution or to think further.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Sometimes, however, questions that come across as \u2018you-questions\u2019 actually turn out to be asked with the \u2018I-ear\u2019: you only ask the other person what suits you and thus create a stepping stone for a topic in order to be able to answer and present yourself. Or people don&#8217;t ask questions at all, but simply tell stories from their own small world. Out of a need to communicate, insecurity, egocentrism or a lack of empathy.<\/p>\n<h2>What are good questions?<\/h2>\n<p>\u2018You-questions\u2019 are primarily open questions and are characterised by a genuine interest in the other person. Thoughts or further enquiries that follow naturally, together with a willingness to listen. They may also require some time to respond (see box below, <a href=\"#open\">open and closed questions<\/a>). However, be careful with overly offensive or inappropriate \u2018you-questions\u2019: you can irritate someone, which might lead to distance.<\/p>\n<h2>\u2018You-questions\u2019 in coaching and for self-reflection<\/h2>\n<p>\u2018You-questions\u2019 are not about asking for information (\u201cwhat is your favourite colour\u201d etc.), but about the other person and how they think and feel. These inquiries are neutral, curious and <a href=\"\/articles\/2022\/06\/using-empathy-and-listening-in-a-coaching-conversation\/\">empathetic<\/a>, and encourage the other person to think outside the box and recognise other perspectives. This approach is familiar in coaching, where the coach uses &#8216;you-questions\u2019 to help the coachee find their own solutions.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Self-reflection-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"Self-reflection\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" class=\"alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-5511\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Self-reflection-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Self-reflection-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Self-reflection-768x768.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Self-reflection-120x120.jpg 120w, https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Self-reflection.jpg 900w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px\" \/>You can also ask yourself questions in a process of self-reflection, such as asking yourself about what you have and have not achieved, or about your working relationships. Rather than blaming yourself or others for what you have not achieved, it is more productive to ask yourself questions such as, \u2018What can I learn from this situation and do better next time?\u2019 or \u2018What would Z and Y do in this situation?\u2019,. This can to change your perspective and adopt a more proactive approach (see the box below for <a href=\"#questions\">examples of questions<\/a>).<\/p>\n<p>There is a danger that our increasingly accelerated and egocentric world will suppress the power of good questions that stimulate reflection. Questions open doors to new perspectives, creativity, self-awareness and personal growth. It is not the <em>answers<\/em> that get us further, but the <em>questions<\/em>. They provide impetus, influence the direction of thought, and can create new realities. In today&#8217;s world, I believe it is especially important to encourage open questioning. &#8216;You-questions\u2019 \u2014 or &#8216;we-questions\u2019, for instance.<\/p>\n<h2>We-questions for team or social development, and relationship management<\/h2>\n<p>Ideally, the process should begin with a question that the working group, team or socially engaged group asks itself, rather than an answer. Similar to a &#8216;you-question&#8217;, a &#8216;we-question&#8217; helps a group deal with an issue, explore development directions, or initiate a social process. For instance, asking<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u2018How can we approach the problem differently to how we did before?\u2019<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>This encourages a team to think outside the box and develop new approaches. We-questions can also help to break deadlocks. Rather than looking for someone to blame, ask,<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>&#8216;What reasons does each of us see for being stuck?&#8217;<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Open questions encourage team members to share their thoughts, ideas and concerns. They also promote mutual understanding. Asking &#8216;How can we deal with differences of opinion to find common ground as a team?&#8217; is more productive than simply appealing for understanding of others. To learn from mistakes together, ask \u2018What should we do differently next time?\u2019, creating a space for constructive discussion about the future.<\/p>\n<h3>Positive aspects for organisational development<\/h3>\n<p>\u2018You-\u2018, or more precisely \u2018We-questions\u2019 are also suitable for <a href=\"\/development\/leadership-development.html\">organisational development<\/a>. One OD method, known as Appreciative Inquiry, involves asking those involved appreciative questions. By focusing on what is successful, this five-step method builds energy and capacity for change projects within organisations.\u00a0This approach strengthens and disseminates these already existing positive aspects, making it more likely that the desired improvements will be achieved. The method&#8217;s inventor, David Cooperrider, formulates the principle as follows: \u2018Human systems develop in the direction of the questions asked\u2019.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/To-inspire.jpg\" alt=\"To inspire good questions\" width=\"1200\" height=\"400\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-5512 size-full\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/To-inspire.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/To-inspire-300x100.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/To-inspire-768x256.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/To-inspire-1024x341.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/To-inspire-500x167.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1200px) 100vw, 1200px\" \/>We-questions also inspire social transformations. Such processes are often based on the question &#8216;What if we&#8230;&#8217;. This helps us to move away from the familiar or the seemingly inevitable. A current example is the &#8216;Urban Villages&#8217; cooperative, which, when it was formed, asked itself, &#8216;What if we were to repurpose an old commercial building as an urban village?&#8217; (instead of demolishing it) [2].<\/p>\n<p>Last but not least, the same applies to small groups, friendships and relationships. Asking cautiously and curiously about how the other person feels, what the partner thinks and what the friend&#8217;s motives are, fertilises and connects.<\/p>\n<h2 id=\"open\">Open and closed questions<\/h2>\n<div style=\"border: #9BCFE6 2px solid; padding: 0.5em 1em 0; background: #d3d0da1a;\">\n<p>Open questions begin with &#8216;What&#8217;, &#8216;How&#8217; or &#8216;Why&#8217;. These are good because they encourage reflection and detailed responses, thus promoting dialogue. However, &#8216;why&#8217; examinations can be tricky because they might seem accusatory. Instead of using &#8216;Why?&#8217;, try wondering &#8216;What reasons do you have&#8230;?&#8217; Aim to ask in a neutral and curious way. If possible, there is also the <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Five_whys\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">5-why method<\/a>, which involves asking &#8216;why?&#8217; five times.<\/p>\n<p>Questions beginning with &#8216;who&#8217;, &#8216;where&#8217;, &#8216;when&#8217; or &#8216;which&#8217; are semi-open and are often answered quickly. Closed questions, i.e. those that can be answered with &#8216;yes&#8217; or &#8216;no&#8217;, are generally not suitable. While they are useful in everyday life and interrogations, they remain superficial in conversation.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<h2 id=\"questions\">Question categories and sample questions<\/h2>\n<div style=\"border: #9BCFE6 2px solid; padding: 0.5em 1em 0; background: #d3d0da1a;\">\n<p>Firstly, adopt a positive attitude to questioning: be open, curious, empathetic and attentive. Do not criticise, do not debate, avoid sentences with \u2018but\u2019 and suggestive questions. Instead, invite the other person to think and reflect \u2013 by using ideas such as these:<\/p>\n<h3>Exploratory questions<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>What is important to you about this? How does it make you feel?<\/li>\n<li>What do you think? What do you hope for?<\/li>\n<li>Explain what&#8217;s holding you back from doing what you want?<\/li>\n<li>When were things going well, or at least better? Why doesn&#8217;t the problem occur then?<\/li>\n<li>What do you think would be best? What have you already tried?<\/li>\n<li>Can you describe the challenges, opportunities and risks here?<\/li>\n<li>What would be an example of this?<\/li>\n<li>Question assertions. For example, if someone says, &#8216;He\u2019s choleric!&#8217;, ask what he does when he is choleric. In what situations does he become choleric?<\/li>\n<li>On a scale of 1 to 10, how big is the problem? How would you recognise that the problem had decreased by one point? What would be different from the current situation?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>And horizon-broadening questions<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>Let&#8217;s assume that X&amp;Y happens, what would you do then?<\/li>\n<li>What do you think a 70-year-old reader would think of our newsletter?<\/li>\n<li>Suppose a miracle happened overnight and the problem that is bothering you was solved. How would you realise that the miracle had happened?<\/li>\n<li>What could you do to make the problem worse?<\/li>\n<li>If you could do it again, what would you do differently?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<h2>What do you think?<\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"#comments\">Share a reply<\/a> about your experiences below.<\/p>\n<h2>Literature<\/h2>\n<div style=\"font-size: small; margin-left: 1.6em; text-indent: -1.6em;\">\n<p><span id=\"P\u00f6rsken\">[1]<\/span> In his book \u00abZuh\u00f6ren \u2013 die Kunst sich zu \u00f6ffnen\u00bb, Bernhard P\u00f6rksen distinguishes between \u201cegocentric\u201d and \u2018genuine attention\u2019: the first is listening with the \u2018I-ear\u2019, the second with the \u2018You-ear\u2019. Bernhard P\u00f6rksen distinguishes \u201cegocentric\u201d attention as a self-centred form of focus where one&#8217;s attention is driven by personal interests, biases, or needs, often ignoring the perspective of others. In contrast, \u201cgenuine attention\u201d is characterised by open, respectful, and empathetic engagement with others, aimed at truly understanding their viewpoints and experiences without imposing one&#8217;s own perspective. See the article, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ramp.space\/en\/artikel-blog\/bernhard-poerksen-mal-zugehoert\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Listen Up<\/a>!<\/p>\n<p><span id=\"village\">[2]<\/span> \u2018What if we first formed vibrant and caring neighbourhoods and only then buildings?\u2019 \u2014 another question posed by the \u2018<a href=\"https:\/\/www.urbanedoerfer.ch\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Urban Villages<\/a>\u2019 cooperative.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p style=\"text-align: right; font-size: smaller;\">Based on an original German article published by\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.bvmberatung.net\/fragen\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">B&#8217;VM<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Good questions lead to good listening (and vice versa: good listening leads to good questions)! They build interpersonal bridges and create connections. Questions such as: \u2018What moves you?\u2019, \u2018How does that make you feel?\u2019 or \u2018Would you like to tell &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/2025\/09\/the-power-of-good-questions-in-coaching-at-work-and-in-life\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1482,"featured_media":5505,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"pmpro_default_level":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4,200],"tags":[100,70],"class_list":["post-5501","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-coaching","category-personal-development","tag-organisational-cultures","tag-team-development","pmpro-has-access"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>The Power of Good Questions \u2014\u00a0in coaching, at work and in life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/2025\/09\/the-power-of-good-questions-in-coaching-at-work-and-in-life\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Power of Good Questions \u2014\u00a0in coaching, at work and in life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Good questions lead to good listening (and vice versa: good listening leads to good questions)! 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Questions such as: \u2018What moves you?\u2019, \u2018How does that make you feel?\u2019 or \u2018Would you like to tell &hellip; Continue reading &rarr;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/2025\/09\/the-power-of-good-questions-in-coaching-at-work-and-in-life\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Coach Mentoring Ltd.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2025-09-29T16:06:48+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-10-09T14:01:20+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Good-Question.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"900\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Kuno Roth\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta 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