{"id":6002,"date":"2026-06-16T08:15:29","date_gmt":"2026-06-16T07:15:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/?p=6002"},"modified":"2026-06-16T10:19:53","modified_gmt":"2026-06-16T09:19:53","slug":"caution-emotions-how-to-regulate-not-suppress-emotions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.coachmentoring.co.uk\/articles\/2026\/06\/caution-emotions-how-to-regulate-not-suppress-emotions\/","title":{"rendered":"Caution! Emotions! How to regulate (not suppress) emotions"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"CautionIn our overstimulated world, characterised, amongst other things, by hate speech on social media and by uncontrolled egomaniacs, the widespread inability to regulate one\u2019s own emotions is becoming increasingly apparent. A stimulus is immediately followed by a reaction, without the ability (or willingness) to restrain oneself. Much suffering and harm occur because no precautions are taken against triggers and emotions are not managed consciously. Yet emotional regulation can be learnt both individually and organisationally.<\/p>\n

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“Don\u2019t react, respond” \u2014 that is the short formula for what emotion regulation is all about: not reacting to a trigger in the heat of the moment \u2014 whether it is minor or major \u2014 but taking the time to process the situation before responding to the stimulus. Sometimes, that might mean not reacting at all.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>A telling political example is the particularly emotive Israel-Palestine conflict. Last year, I had an \u2018aha\u2019 moment on this subject when the historian Jos\u00e9 Brunner, author of \u2018Brutal Neighbours \u2014 How Emotions Can Fuel and Defuse the Middle East Conflict\u2019 [1] \u2014 addressed emotions in a radio feature [2]. There are conflicts in which unchecked emotions fuel each other because each side sees itself as the victim and the other as the perpetrator<\/a>. The existential fear felt by each side turns into anger and hatred.<\/p>\n

Shifting your emotions<\/h3>\n

What is needed is a \u2018shift in perspective\u2019, as Brunner calls it. When asked why a peace treaty was nevertheless possible in the 1990s, he replied: The breakthrough only came when the heads of delegation agreed to stop looking back and look only forwards. Instead of continuing to argue over historical facts and their interpretation, they focused on what they had in common: both peoples want a life of security and peace.<\/p>\n

Many successful peace treaties, according to the historian, were based on such an agreed \u2018political forgetting\u2019. Examples include the Peace of Westphalia in 1648, the foundation of modern Europe, or the peaceful end of the Franco dictatorship in 1975. The past was initially left to rest.<\/p>\n

Managing your emotions so they don\u2019t manage you<\/h2>\n

The same applies on a personal level: knowing your own triggers and, where possible, avoiding them as a precaution is a form of emotion regulation: looking to the future and seeking common ground, rather than arguing over who is right in their interpretation of what happened.<\/p>\n

\"\"There are many other ways to regulate emotions. Under the heading \u2018Managing your emotions so they don\u2019t manage you\u2019, the US psychologist Ethan Kross has written the highly readable book \u201cShift\u201d [3]. His basic thesis: Triggers cannot be eliminated \u2014 they are part of our life story \u2014 but we can deal with what follows them in a more conscious way: By anticipating a potential (strong) emotion, we can learn to influence it. Experiencing such self-efficacy is the key to regulation.<\/p>\n

Emotions are sources of information. But just as they should not be expressed unchecked, they should not be suppressed either. The aim is to recognise them so that we can consciously influence them (see the box \u2018What are emotions?\u2019). Kross presents research findings on this and uses numerous examples to illustrate how emotion regulation and prevention work.<\/p>\n

Kross encourages his readers to put together a personalised toolkit for regulating their emotions. This requires knowing one\u2019s triggers and being keen to manage their consequences, as well as having the tools at the ready and rehearsed \u2014 because in a crisis, one is only able to use what one knows and is familiar using.<\/p>\n

The fundamental form of regulation, he argues, is the human ability to direct one\u2019s attention. This is like a mental spotlight that I can direct towards a situation \u2014 or remove from it. The easiest way to do the latter is through distraction. Distracting oneself may be appropriate, but it should not always be the method of choice.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Be aware of your senses<\/h3>\n

\"EmotionalAccording to Kross, the most readily accessible means of shifting attention are the senses. Due to evolution, they are closely linked to emotions. For instance, birdsong and walks in the woods immediately lift the mood.<\/p>\n

Or the sense of smell: churchgoers, for instance, are familiar with incense; the scents of lavender and juniper have a calming effect, which is why aromatherapy makes use of them \u2014 and massage makes use of touch.<\/p>\n

Kross even suggests putting together a playlist for every mood, which helps to regulate one\u2019s state of mind via the sense of hearing.<\/p>\n

Other ways to regulate emotions include<\/h3>\n